Next stop: Pampalona

This next (academic) year I am going be studying for a post-graduate diploma in my area of legal expertise. I hope to write a dissertation once I obtain my diploma so that I have a full masters. I think this means that I won't have much free time, but that's ok, because that's one thing I have in surplus, after my usual working week.

I wrote a while ago that I wanted to study again, and I suppose although this isn't exactly the subject I had in mind when I wrote that, it's a start to stopping the rot. That said, I've recently admitted to enjoying my job, which although demanding, is actually academically stimulating. You see, I can think positively.

I sometimes fear that I have a self-defeating tendancy to think of everything in life as difficult. I recently read that this can be referred to as 'catastrophising' - a good word. Although I only expose certain traits on this blog I still believe that I manage, most of the time, in maintaining some sense of perspective. Maybe that's bullshit. At times I wonder if any of these supposed difficulties are genuine, or whether I simply fail to adapt to changes and in particular fail to deal with any kind of inter-personal relationships. I am not a people person.

I sincerely hope that my relationships with my adoptive parents, my adoptive sister (for clarification I haven't started thinking of them as my 'adoptive' family), my biological parents, my biological sister and my biological brother grow to become a bit more conventional over the coming months. I now understand that I have to come to terms with each of these relationships before I can meaningfully develop any potential or prospective friendships and/or relationships. I don't know if any of this makes any sense. I am just trying to understand myself in light of everything that is now open to discussion, everything that has been a hallowed secret for most of my life. I hope to find some kind of inner calm once this Dworkinian interpretivism is complete. God knows how long that will take.

Anyway, I should get some sleep, it'd be a shame to end this holiday without at least being well-rested physically. I've said this to a few of you recently, but now that I have one secret less, I can't help but feel like I've lost a part of me. I suppose it'd be stupid of me to mourn this loss when there are more important things to think about.